does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
