It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
