a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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