Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
