I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
