I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
