she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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