he thought i was a dude.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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