my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
