you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
