I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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