You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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