He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
