Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm too high and old for this...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
