No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
