You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
