Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
