You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
