So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
