They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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