i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you had me at cake vodka
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
