Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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