My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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