i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize