suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's never too late to be topless.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize