Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
