My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Couch. On fire.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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