Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
