i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
