Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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