After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
