she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
