Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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