I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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