Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
