I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
