I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
