I think my fart just growled at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
