Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize