I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
