if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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