I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
