Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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