is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
