so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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