his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
