oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
