I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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