she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
