so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize