laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
