ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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