Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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