so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
