He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
