she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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